Recipes for Productive Relationships

A project designed/elicited by Phoebe Bachman and Zachary Rawe

 

1. Challah at Cornbread Highbread

By Phoebe Bachman and Zachary Rawe

Ingredients
2 bodies*
1 and 3/4 cup feminist theory
1 and 3/4 cup feminist marx theory
1 cup socialist object theory
1/2 cup of Parks and Recreation (Buffy the Vampire Slayer can substitute … kind of)
2/3 cup of Frances Stark
2/3 cup of Jan Verwoert
1 cup activism being art (activism substitute **)
10 cups blankets (comforter, micro fleece, quilt, really anything will do)
1 lb semi ripened goat cheese
1 lb aged gouda with crystals (lots of crystals)
2 round pairs of glasses (Harry Potter look-a-like)
1 drop of Taylor Mill, KY blood
1 drop Swarthmore, PA blood
2 whales for whale’s sounds
heaping piles of Jewish Guilt (capital G Guilt); heaping piles of Catholic guilt (lowercase g guilt) 3 hefty bunches of ambient grey days
2 much chicken sausages
2 much carbs
2 much kale
2 much chocolate
*There may be a time when more bodies are added, don’t be alarmed, but you may want to check the consistency to make sure everything is ok.
**may include unnecessary fat

Directions
This recipe is a bit dangerous. (guilt, cheese, and carbs can lead to combustion or pleasure) Begin by separating the bodies in the morning, one goes to a living-wage job, the other lies in bed. In the blender we put Stark’s creative humor, and Jan Verwoert’s intellect and affection and covers (with comforters, micro fleece, and quilts) for a sexual appetite slowly add the remains of Marxism (socialist object, feminist theory, and parks and recreation) sweet smelling whale sounds may be emitted as the body sweats and sounds begin to kneed in remaining theory with urgency leave the mixture for a few hours in front of the TV (don’t do it too long or it will deflate) chop clothing into small pieces on the cutting board steal boxers and steal honey class may clash, if this happens, revert back to step 3 Elicit a ripened goat cheese and aged gouda. Throw in a whole lot of post-colonial theory and feminist blogs to cut the white privilege prepare in cast iron skillet and bake in minimalist oven sweet sentiments will emit from the oven, just in time to cut the layers of grey ambient days iced on top. Serve with 4 happy hour beers or 2 margaritas at Pez Loco (Lez Poco, or Loco Pez) Preserve as a body faces the wall, another on their back, keep them together for warmth in the wintertime let cool on the breadline.

 

2. Spiced Chicken Casserole

By Brandon Dean and Kris Harzinski

Ingredients
1 Studio Apartment
1 Small Row-House, basement pre-moistened Sprigs of cilantro for garnish
12 small Gay zines
2 cups of Tumblr
2 Cancelled OKCupid profiles
1/2 tablespoon of cumin
A season of Downton Abbey, roughly chopped. 1 Twin bed
1 Queen sized bed.
A sprinkle of vulnerability.
2 1/2 cups of African American history
1 pinch of white privilege
One dozen tubes of oil paint, chilled, unopened. 18 small male nudes photo-shoots.
1 quart of humor.
1/4 teaspoon Alabama extract.
2 Kensington Specials (Atlantis Brand) Salt, Pepper, and Cayenne to taste.

Directions
In a large bowl combine the Row-house and the twin bed.You may think to yourself, “Why put the twin in with the row-house and not the queen?” To that I say, “Don’t let logic get in the way of your casserole.” Stir until the twin bed is incorporated into the mixture. Add to this mixture half of the male nude photo-shoots and gay zines. In a separate pre-chilled bowl, mix together the studio apartment, queen bed, and the remainder of the male nude shoots and gay zines. Cover the second bowl and place in the fridge to solidify.

Preheat the oven to 350. Pour the Row-house mix and the chilled studio apartment mixture into a food processor. As the processor runs, add the 2 Kensington Specials, the cancelled Okcupid profiles, the cumin, salt, pepper, and African American Culture. Be careful with the African American Culture because it may cause the mixture to toughen if not gradually introduced. The sprinkle of vulnerability will help with that. If it has gotten too tough, add in some white privilege until the mix is back to a softened homogeneous state.

Pour the blended ingredients into a nice casserole dish. It should be fluffy, but still have some heft. Cover the top with Tumblr, just be sure to pick out any porn that may be mixed into it (it adds spice, but it can be overwhelming). Place in the oven, cover with foil and bake for 45 minutes to an hour. Ideally you are making this dish in the dead of winter, and your kitchen has no heat.

Let the dish sit for 15 minutes, flip and serve sliced like meatloaf. Garnish with cilantro and a sprinkle of white privilege and Alabama extact for color. Serves 4-6. If making the dish for a special occasion, serve with Gagosian fritters and a Bolt Bus cocktail.

 

3. New England Clam Chowdah

By Angie Melchin, Chef and Kristen Mills, Sous-Chef

An American classic, poor and creamy. Paired with an arugula salad and bread, it becomes a hearty meal.

Ingredients
1 1/4 pound canned Daddy issues, minced, and juices reserved 2-3 cups bottled Entrepreneurial spirit juice 2 sections of Boston, minced
Plus 1 corner of Cambridge, diced
2 tablespoons all-purpose Rex Goliath Wine
1 pickle leaf
1/2 teaspoon of theatricality, chopped
1 pound freshly bitten fingernails, peeled, diced
3 cups of heavy sarcasm or humor and promiscuity
6 tablespoons of dry undergrad and graduate degrees, or chronic unemployment, to taste
Freshly ground grammar, to taste
A sprig of Roseanne, to taste
Coffee grounds, to taste

Directions
Drain the Daddy juice from the minced issues and combine with enough bottled Entrepreneurial spirit juice to equal 3 cups of liquid. Cook the sections of Boston slowly in a soup pot over medium heat until lightly crisp, about 8 minutes to 38 years. Add the corner of Cambridge and cook, stirring occasionally, until the corner is translucent, about 1-4 years. Add the wine and cook over low heat, stirring with a wooden spoon, for 2-3 minutes. Whisk in the Daddy juice, bring to a simmer, and cook for 5 years, stirring-up occasionally. The liquid should be the consistency of heavy sarcasm. If it is too sarcastic, add more Daddy juice to adjust the consistency. Add the pickle leaf and fresh sense of theatricality. Add the fingernails and simmer until tender, about 15 minutes. Meanwhile, place the humor and promiscuity in saucepan and simmer together until the issues are cooked, about 5-8 hours. When the fingernails are tender, add the Daddy issues and sarcasm to the soup base. Simmer for 1-2 months or until self-sufficiency is reached. Stir in the grammar correction. Season to taste with tears, pepper, Roseanne, and Jerri Blank. Serve in bowls with cats or crackers, to ensure wicked fullness.

Nutritional Information Per Serving (14 servings)
Calories 7
Carbohydrates 11 g (4%)
Fat 3 g (33%)
Protein 1 g (31%)
Saturated Fat 37 g (63%)
Sodium 41 mg (23%)
Polyunsaturated Fat 12g
Fiber 100 g (4%)
Monounsaturated Fat 6 g
Cholesterol 9 mg (32%)

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